Eesti keelse tõlke leiad altpoolt.
In english:
When I graduated from vocational school I didn’t know if I should go to university and what field I should study, I couldn’t find a job at the time, but I later got an offer to volunteer at my city’s cultural center. After a while, someone said that I could try volunteering in another country, but I didn’t trust myself very much, and maybe I was shy too, I havent been at any country at that time. After that, I tried various jobs, not only for myself but also to contribute to the family budget, even if I didn’t like most of the jobs I had.
When I lost a very close person, as you can already understand, it affected me quite a bit, I didn’t even know what to do with myself or was it worth the test. I started visiting the cultural center again, they didn’t have much activity at the time, so for a month I was volunteering at local kindergarten, and I very liked there (I love little kids, I hope one day I have atleast one myself).
When the quarantine started, I went to village in another city where my aunt lives, and after a while I started to feel a little better. In the middle of the summer I decided to look for a foreign organization looking for volunteers from other countries. Since adolescence I had better communication with younger people. I was more interested in activities of culture or youth center’s or something with nature, animals, because since childhood I spent most summers, sometimes winters, at my granny’s village, so I love and adore nature very much.
I was introverted for a long part of my life, leaving my hometown I couldn’t find people who I could really call friends, not just people I knew. After living for so long, I found it difficult to get in touch with people, I started avoiding my peers, my mother started calling me a “naminukas”, which practically means the spirit of the house, but I finally realized that I can’t live like this because it’s not life but just existence. Reading books, watching documentaries is not the same as understanding it from your own experience. I wanted more meaning from what I do, I am not a material personality, I am more inclined to help others than myself if I can, however sometimes it can be difficult for me to understand others, and sometimes it happens that I find it difficult to accept compliments and I try to criticize myself.
I think I am a diplomatic personality, I don’t want someone to be hurt, I am looking for compromises. I like things related to culture, history, volunteering was and still is a good opportunity (or even like rehabilitation, which at some point may be better than visits to a psychologist, and I say that from my own experience) for me to find myself and feel useful for someone, although sometimes my introvertism still shows up, and I start to hide my feelings and close myself off, so I hope such things will happen less in the future.
In estonian:
Kui ma lõpetasin kutsekooli ei teadnud ma, kas ma peaksin minema ülikooli ning mida ma täpsemalt peaksin õppima. Ma ei leidnud ka tööd sellel ajal, kuid natukene aega hiljem sain pakkumise vabatahtlikuna enda linna kultuuriosakonda. Mõni aeg hiljem pakkus minu üks tuttav, et ma võiksin proovida vabatahtliku tööd mõnes teises riigis, kuid sel hetkel olin ma natuke häbelik ning kartsin pisut, sest ma pole varasemalt reisinud. Peale seda proovisin ma erinevaid tööotsi, mitte ainult enda jaoks, vaid et aidata ka oma perekonda, isegi kui mulle ei meeldinud mitmed tööd mida ma tegin.
Kui ma kaotasin väga lähedase inimese, siis see mõjutas mind päris tugevalt ning ma ei teadnud mida edasi teha oma tulevikuga. Mõnda aega hiljem hakkasin uuesti külastama oma linna kultuuriosakonda, kuid neil polnud kahjuks palju tegevust mulle anda, seega ma hakkasin vabatahtlikuks ka kohalikus lasteaias. Lasteaias mulle väga meeldis töötada, sest ma armastan lapsi ning loodan, et ka üks päev on mul endal lapsed.
Kui koroona sai alguse, kolisin teise linna oma tädi juurde ning seal olles paranes mu enesetunne. Suvel otsustasin ma uurida vabatahtliku töö võimalusi välismaal. Noorukieast alates oli mul hea kontakt noortega. Ma olin huvitatud erinevatest noortekeskustest ning nende tegemistest, loodusest või loomadest, sest oma lapsepõlves veetsin ma enamus aega vanaema juures väikeses külas, nii et alates sellest ajast ma armastan loodust.
Ma olen olnud introvert enamus aega oma elust ning lahkudes oma kodulinnas ei saanud ma kutsuda sealseid inimesi oma sõpradeks. Pikalt elades seal külas oli mul järjest raskem suhelda inimestega ning ma hakkasin vältima kõiki. Mu ema hakkas mind kutsuma “naminukas”, mis tähendab põhimõtteliselt majahinge. Lõpuks ma mõistsin, et ma ei saa enam elada nii edasi, sest see pole enam elu vaid lihtsalt eksisteerimine. Raamatute lugemine ning dokumentaalide vaatamine ei ole sama, kui ise elu kogemine. Ma tahtsin rohkem mõtet asjadele, mida ma teen. Ma ei ole materiaalne inimene vaid mulle meeldib teisi aidata. Vahel on mul küll raske teisi mõista ning raske võtta vastu komplimente ja tuleb ette ka seda, et ma kritiseerin ennast.
Inimesena ma olen selline, kes hoolib teise inimese emotsionaalsest seisundist. Ma ei soovi näha teisi haiget saamas ning soovin alati leida igas asjas kompromissi. Mind huvitab kultuur, ajalugu ning vabatahtlik töö. Vabatahtlik töö minu jaoks on hea võimalus ennast leida ning olla kasulik teiste jaoks. Vahel siiski introvert minus ärkab ellu ning ma soovin oma tundeid varjata ning sulgeda ennast, kuid loodan, et tulevikus juhtub seda üha vähem.
Klaudijus Daugela
Tartu Noorsootöö Keskuse Euroopa Solidaarsuskorpuse vabatahtlik
